PFLAG UK - COMING OUT
SUPPORT FOR PARENTS, FRIENDS & FAMILY OF LESBIANS AND GAYS
What is 'coming out'?
The process of telling others about your sexuality (also known as 'sexual orientation') is often referred to as ‘coming out’. Coming out is not necessarily a one-off event - lesbians, gay men and bisexual people may have to come out many times during their lives.
There is no one prescribed way to come out as lesbian, gay or bisexual. You may feel comfortable being open about your sexuality with some people, but not with others. Coming out to certain people, such as family, friends or colleagues, may be difficult and takes courage. Reactions to someone coming out can range from very positive, to less welcoming. Once you have made the decision to tell people about your sexuality, you may want to think about how you tell them. We have set out a few thoughts on coming out, and links to places you can contact if you want further advice and support.
Why come out?
Whether you've come to terms with your
sexuality or you're still thinking about it,
it can be difficult dealing with that on
your own. You may get to a point where you
need to talk about it with someone, to get
support or simply get it off your chest.
Don't feel under pressure to come out - take
your time. Only you will know when you feel
comfortable and ready to do it.
To hide your sexuality from other people
often means lying and pretending. You will
need to think about whether hiding your
sexuality is more or less stressful than
being open about it.
If you decide to come out, but are unsure
how others might react, you could consider
making contact with a support group first.
There are helplines, community groups and
agencies across the country who are there to
support and advise you. See below for more
details. It could also be good to start by
telling one or two trusted friends first,
before coming out to other people.
Where people feel safe being visible and
honest about being gay, they may challenge
the stereotypes and prejudice others might
have about homosexuality. It may help them
to revise their attitudes towards lesbians,
gay men and bisexuals and in the long term
it will help to tackle homophobia (hatred or
prejudice against gay people).
If you do come out, but get a negative
reaction, don't despair. Talk to someone for
more support.
Generally, however, you may be surprised by
how positive the experience of coming out
can be. Very few people regret coming out,
even if it is difficult at the time.